


The Last Will and Testament of Ron Swanson

by Emgirl16



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Andy being Andy, Awkwardness, Ben is uncomfotable, Crack Treated Seriously, Drabble, Episode Related, F/M, Ron's Will, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-01-17
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9364310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emgirl16/pseuds/Emgirl16
Summary: A horrifying discovery is made when Andy interrupts Ben and Ron's talk about Ron's will.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was just an idea I had that I thought would have been really funny.

“I’ve had the same will since I was 8-years-old.” Ron says matter of fact, as he hands Ben a crumpled piece of paper.

Neither of them knew what horror there was to come.

Ben began to read it aloud. “Upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.” He is speechless for a moment, before he asks “What are these weird symbols?”

“The man who kills me will know.” Ron replies solemnly.

“Ok, you should really have a will that's more than one sentence long. You have a wife and kids now. I could introduce you to our lawyer.” Ben tells him, concerned and a bit disturbed.

Ron scoffs. “The three most useless jobs in the world are, in order, lawyer, congressman and doctor. Pass.”

“Ron, that document is nothing, it's not even notarized.” Ben is cut off by an interruption.

“Oh! Can I read!” A wild Andy Dwyer appears.

“Can you take its contents to the grave?” Ron asks him, completely serious. “If you see this and do not, I will be the one to send you there.”

“Scouts honor!” Andy promises.

“I was never a scout.” Andy reveals to the camera, just 10 minutes later. “I just like saying that.”

Ben hands Andy the note.

Andy begins to laugh as he looks at it.

“What’s so funny?” Ben asks Andy, perplexed.

“Didn’t you read what was written at the bottom of the paper?” Andy asks him, handing it back. “I didn’t know Ron could be so funny.”

“You mean you can read the symbols at the bottom?” Rom asks him, freezing.

“Of course!” Andy replies, smiling. His phone begins to ring. He looks down. “I gotta take this, see you later guys.” With a cheerful wave, he is gone.

“I should have seen behind that dimwitted, but golden-hearted mask of his.” Ron says, almost whispering.

“So do you wanna see my lawyer?” Ben asks, to break the awkward silence.

“If Andrew is the one to kill me, then the apocalypse has begun and therefore there will be no need for wills. All money will be rendered useless and my family will make their way by destroying their competition.” Ron replies, shaking himself out of his stupor.

“You know, just in case Andy doesn’t kill you, if you die and you don't have a real will, most of what you own will go to the government.” Is all Ben can think of as a response.

Ron pauses. “Where is this lawyer you speak of?”


End file.
